I’m unfollowing anyone who calls David Karp ‘Daddy’

you’re only as good as your last text post 

today in my class my teacher asked us to draw a pig (it was like a personality type thing based on how we drew it idek) but this girl in my class drew bacon and sausages and my teacher basically died from how hard she was laughing

omfg this is the best- so one of my friends from beauty school is deaf, so she has interpreters to be her ears and her voice. now most of these interprets are young females like ourselves, but sometimes they have this deep voiced black dude come and interpret for her and it’s honestly the HARDEST thing to not burst out laughing when i hear him say ‘oh my god jen evERYONE UPSTAIRS THOUGHT MY HAIR WAS CUTE AND PRETTY’  BECAUSE HE HAS SUCH A MANLY VOICE AND ITS SO FUNNYAND I CNA T HANDLE THIS 

Nothing says ‘desperate’ like starring in a film from the Scary Movie franchise

oMFG I WENT ON TINYPIC AND IT GAVE ME A CAPTCHA AND IT WANTED ME TO DESCRIBE CHICK-FIL-A AND THIS ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKED I C AN T

tinypic is becoming more of a snarky bitch every time i use it

this is one of the reasons why i don’t go out with my boyfriend very often

OKAY SO HERE I AM WATCHING TELEVISION WHEN AN INFORMERCIAL COMES ON.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S FUCKING FOR? IT’S FOR PERFECT POLLY(AKA THE MOST COMMON NICKNAME FOR PARROTS). IT’S A FAKE FUCKING “”“PARROT”“”.

BUT THE INFOMERCIAL HOLY SHIT THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID.

IT’S NOT A FUCKING PARROT. IT’S A FUCKING PARAKEET. A FUCKING MOTION ACTIVATED, CHIRPING, ROBOT PARAKEET.

THIS IS A MOTHER FUCKING PARROT. PARROTS DON’T FUCK AROUND, THEY EARNED THE NICKNAME ‘POLLY’ AND IN WALKS A MOTHERFUCKING ROBOT BIRD WHO DOESN’T KNOW REAL BIRD SHIT AND CALLING THEMSELVES PERFECT FUCKING POLLY.

THIS IS A FUCKIN’ PARAKEET. YOU CAN CLEARLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE OF THESE TWO GOD DAMN BIRDS BECAUSE PARAKEETS ARE LIKE THE SIZE OF YOUR SHIT AND PARROTS ARE THE SIZE OF A FUCKIN HOUSE CAT. PARAKEETS THINK THAT THEY’RE ALL THAT BUT THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. PARROTS ARE WHERE IT’S AT.

MOVING ON TO MY NEXT POINT:

WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK WOULD BUY A ROBOT BIRD THAT FUCKING CHIRPS AT YOU?

IF YOU’VE EVER HAD A REAL BIRD- THEY ARE FUCKING ANNOYING WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF OR A LOVED ONE?

DID THEY MAKE THIS SO YOU WOULDN’T FEEL BAD ABOUT FUCKIN’ STRANGLING IT?

HEY IF YOU ACT NOW YOU CAN TWO OF THESE CHIRPING MOTHER FUCKERS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE CHIRPING MOTHERFUCKER

THE POINT I’M TRYING TO MAKE HERE IS THAT THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING INVENTION EVER SO IF YOU WANT TO DRIVE SOMEONE TO THEIR WITTS END, PURCHASE PEFECT POLLY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!

can we all have a moment of silence for the cookies that have fallen into milk :’(

I don’t like Tumblr fights because Tumblr is a place of serenity and love and no judgement… or it was until haters started joining. Leave the fighting and shit for Facebook. Because only idiots who think fighting over the internet is socially acceptable use Facebook.